Weight

At my thinnest I was running 100+ miles a week. I was fainting because I wasn't eating enough. I was socially isolated because I had to eat different than my peers (especially in college). I was the thin. I ate bagels and doughnuts and all I did was run and lift. I had so much empty space on my calendar during college that's all I did. I'd spend 3-4 hours a day running and in the gym. I'd go back to my apartment, eat, shower, and go to bed.

I had no confidence. I was just trying to fit in.

Looking back I didn't feel a sense of accomplishment when I ran two marathons in consecutive years. I should have, but I didn't. I was the first in my very athletic family to run a marathon. That's pretty dang cool. I had run probably 30 half marathons and 10K's over those two years. I loved to hate it. It was an addiction.

Today as I sat in the doctors office and he told me that I needed to lose weight because of this condition and subsequent symptoms would be exacerbated because of my weight I cried. I broke down and cried. I was embarrassed, like for some messed up reason this genetic mix up was my fault. I have been doing so good not focusing on weight and focusing on healing. I have eliminated the junk, the unhealthy habits *cough* Starbucks *cough*, and found a new groove with workouts. I was feeling good. I have lost about 5 pounds thus far and I am proud of that. Insanely proud. Sitting in that chair I was scared. I don't want to be that isolated lonely shell of a person I was before. I want to feel like myself. I am determined to be vulnerable with you, my audience, even if it is just 1 person reading this. I don't want to pretend that this is easy. It sucks. I am by no means trying to sugar coat it. This is going to be a journey to HEALTH. Overall health. Mental, physical, and emotional. 5 pounds a month is my goal. I am going to continue to not weigh myself unless at a doctors appointment because it isn't about weight. It's about health and my goal is to share that journey with you. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Here I go.